Easter Reflections: The Death of a Son


Davey at 6 months

I was with my lovely daughter today. She drove down from Duluth, MN to Minnetonka, Mn see us on Easter. She is delightful, loving and the best daughter any mom could ask for. She’s the child I dreamed about and prayed for. I enjoyed the day immensely.

“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.” — Robert Fulghum

Next to her picture on the mantel, is one of her brother. I could not help reflecting on my dear little son, who’s been in Heaven for the past 30+ years. He only lived eleven months. He was such a precious child like his sister. Desperately sick with a bad heart, yet such a brave and strong spirit. A joy-filled, loving, wonderful child.

And because it’s Easter I was thinking about the Son that died for us. What the Father lost. What He did for us that we might have fellowship with Him. I am so touched to the core, by the love that He showed in sacrificing His only son.

The death of a loved one is hard to bear and doesn’t lessen with time in some ways. I went to a grief class years ago and they said grieving is like a taffy pull, one minute you’re fine and then you snap back to the worst sadness again.

Comfort IS found in Joy and Laughter. I do believe the above quote is true and the author most insightful. When I think of my son I remember his laugh, his wise eyes, his depth of understanding for a life he was really too young to understand. He was a wonderful gift to me and his father. And perhaps there we find our joy. In the gifts that we experience, in the love that we share, in spite of the grief that comes with loving.

This Easter day I remember my David and his precious life. My Savior and His precious Love for us all — and my heart is filled with the enormous gift my life is.

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10 thoughts on “Easter Reflections: The Death of a Son

  1. Lib. I am speechless. I can’t even conceive of the pain. How good you are to help Allison w/o even a mention of this.

    I was pregnant once, and the baby died. But I never held the living child. It died inside me.

    It almost killed me. But I know that having held that child in your arms for all that year turns it into a completely different and far more horrific tragedy.

    I’m glad to know this, much as I hate it.

    Like you, I remember everything perfectly, completely, right down to the smell in the room where I learned of the death. The lights. The shadeows through the shades. the feel of the gel as they checked one last time in the ultrasound for signs of life.

    The hum of the furnace. The sound of the nurse pouring a glass of water for me. Everything.

    Sometimes I wonder how we humans ever live through all that we do, you know?

    Then I remember that there is also great joy in our lives, and it is up to us to choose what to focus on as best we can as the years go by. My loss was in 1985. 26 years. Yet it feels like an hour ago.

    It seems as if more and more of these memories are surfacing lately. Perhaps it is because Bob and I both have gone downhill healthwise. Maybe it’s a way of adapting to the next part of life that is coming.

    I send you love and all my soul of sorrow for your loss. And all my joy in the blessing that is your daughter.

    I think we should be grateful we don’t live in the Mideast. Everything seems to be a measurement of how bad things could be.

    Damn. Time to listen to music from happier days. Warm hugs to you, Libby.

  2. Dearest Paula,

    I am truly sorry for what you went through. Life can be very hard at times needless to say and compassion for others is one of the true gifts of suffering. I would not put any comparison on it, you lost a child and there is nothing more devastating for any parent, any woman to go through.

    I feel a strong connection to you, as well as Allison and I know we’ll support her during a difficult time that will end in hope and renewed life, not this.

    Blessings to you dear friend!
    Libby

  3. Oh my dear Libby, thank you so much for sharing this. My grandmother lost her first baby, a girl, on Christmas eve, to a rare condition. She went on to have three sons and yet still, more than 50 years later, she is always sad around Christmas. I am named after that baby girl- Jackie Lea.

    Some wounds never truly heal, nor should they. The best we can do is be with each other. I appreciate your openness and empathize with your pain. It reminds me to appreciate the very very great gift I have in my children and their good health. It’s easy to overlook the blessings that are right in front of me, sometimes.

    With love and gratitude,

    Jackie
    @jackinessity

  4. Oh Jackie!

    What a beautiful story…how lucky you are to be named for such a treasure! And what a loving heart you have! Thank you so much for your tender and supportive comments …they mean the world to me. Yes it’s hard to remember to count our blessings no matter what we’ve endured in the past. I am so thankful for my healthy, delightful child and husband of 32 years this July! Wow! Thanks God!

  5. Libby just now I get to read your post, I’m touched by your story and by your gesture to share this intimate and personal stage of your life with us.
    I first want to say I’m so sorry you have experience this, no mother should have to experience the loss of their children. As a mother of 2 kids, I cannot imagine your pain, your void and the strength needed to endure something like this.

    I am glad you have found comfort in the joy and laughter of your life today. One of my friends lost her husband and recently I met with her and notice how well she looked, when I asked her about her change she replied: “Jeannette I had to stop and decide if I needed to continue looking at my past and hurting over something I could not have changed – or start looking at my future and feel blessed about the things that I have today, even being thankful and feeling fortunate for having shared that time with my husband”

    I truly think this makes a difference, in who we are today…in how we affect the people that surround us.
    You have amazing blessings, such as your relationship with your lovely daughter or your mom; because you are yourself an amazing woman! We can feel your strength and determination in every word you write. Thank you for being such strong woman and being a great role model to some of us!

    Lots of love,
    Jeannette

  6. Dear Jeanette,

    All I can say is that I am so blessed to know you and to have your support in my life. You are an amazing friend and a role model in your work, in the Daily for #UsGuys you do on Twitter. I cannot conceive of all the work that is! Sometimes I am awed by our fellow sisters on Twitter and all of their accomplishments.

    Yes my life is filled with great joy and wonder, due to the people in it, my daughter, my husband, mom, dad and friends…but also the people who aren’t: my dear grandparents, my son David — and the dear little girl I had stillborn before him: Shirley Deborah at 7 months gestation.

    All of these people have touched my life and my God has most of all — and given me the strength and love to carry on — to be one with Him and to love others….thank you. I count you among the ones I love, Libby

    • Libby, every time I read your posts I walk away with tears in my eyes; because you have touched me! I know I’m not the only touched by your words and experiences. Your posts allow us to get to know you and bond with you, while developing a huge deal of respect for you!

      I feel like we’ve known you for years! So when times are hard; please know you have online friends that care, just reach out to us! We’re there for you ~ always

      love -Jeannette

  7. Yes Jeannette…I take great comfort in knowing that. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful online friends and a few very special ones that I know I can count on in a crisis. I hope there isn’t one, but it’s very good to know. Love always, Libby

  8. Wow your testimony is amazing……………. sometimes its sooo hard to comprehend y we go thro these difficult times……but knowing that our savior is our refuge helps us take each step and go forward…….. GBU you are an amazing woman of god……. im encouraged reading your post…… thanx for sharing your testimony

    • Sheeba! God bless you! My favorite verse is Romans 8:28: “For God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.” He carried me through the rough times and I know He will again!

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